sunseeet
Sunday, October 31, 2004
bz this week.. having constipation problems.. sobs..
am also very very tired.. strange, GP is coming in four days time, yet i'm not anxious abt it.. not bcos i hv much faith in the Lord.. but.. it's the same old problem tt some will face..
many tings hv changed juz in one week.. like yahoo's main page is changed.. hmm.. n i duno wad la.. ppl experienced more days in their lifetime (aft reading everybody's blog).. sy's granddad passed away.. ting's bday tooday.. happie birthday girlie..
y'day i went to sentosa for urban x-trek dry-run.. urban x-trek is happening on mi birthday!! on the 11 november!! deepavali day.. haha.. quite exciting leh.. y'day reali experienced wad orienteering is... u reali use the compass.. do pacing to find the exact spot for clues.. like u calculate the distance on the map and find out how far u r from the place where u are supposed to go.. n then u walk there counting the number of steps.. eg for me every 70 steps is 100m.. so if i were to go to the place which is 200m away, i hv to take 140 steps.. each steps is 2 footsteps forward.. it's reali a cool experience.. the map is nth like the sentosa map.. it's totally contour lines and many many lines.. at our fourth checkpoint, we are supposed to go one bus-stop from the place we were.. so we took a bus.. a double-decker but the top floor has no top.. tt kind.. tt we were so excited.. den.. near the nxt stop we tried to get down the stairs and we realised the bus din stop.. so we were quite happie cos we thot can go one whole loop.. (wad BJ suggested haha).. but at the underwater world (which was one of the checkpoints tt we went to)we were forced to alight cos the bus is terminating its service.. wad a joke..
i think many ppl will b like wondering.. A levels coming stil got time to go out and play.. and my mum thot my A's ended when i told her i was gg to sentosa.. i noe it's a struggle to many ppl to even ask them to come out esp when major exams are coming.. it's not to me.. it's probably a form of service to God more directly.. but.. mayb i'm juz too playful.. i tink i'd rather do these things then stay home and watch tv.. so it's not reali service wholeheartedly.. i gotta resolve tt..
i was reading many ppl's blog.. i tink many ppl wan their opinions heard.. but sometimes our opinions contradict the principles tt we set in our head.. and it varies in situations.. this is sth i learnt when i'm in ministry.. there's onli one standard which will nv change, tt is God's standard.. He's the One who created everyth, so He'll definitely know what we need, and He's the One who sets the standards.. so.. stimes we think by not following Him we can escape from His standard.. but it's not true.. we suffer the consequences of wad we think it's right but it's actually wrong in His eyes.. i truly believe this God is real.. i experienced Him myself.. time and again, i doubt Him but each time i see that He's good.. people who don't know Him are losing out... losing out the blessings of knowing Him.. the ability to depend on Him.. the ability to feel joyful and peaceful even if the whole world's upside down.. the ability to reali love someone.. i rmb i was tawt tt onli by knowing how God love us, then we are able to reali love others since God is the God of love as well..
it's always very tiring to depend on ourselves for everything.. for people who know God, when they fail, we still feel joyful bcos in Christ we are winners.. how come? it's onli by believing then you'll reali know why..
The Bible (God's word) says
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matt 11:28
blessed by Father; wHeE
Sunday, October 24, 2004
Shout To The LORD
My JESUS My SAVIOR
LORD there is none like you
All of my days
I want to praise
the wonders of your mighty love
My COMFORT My Shelter
Tower of refuge and strength
Let every breath
All that I am
Never cease to worship you
Chorus:
Shout to the LORD
All the earth let us sing
Power and majesty
Praise to the King
Mountains bow down
And the seas will roar
At the sound of your name
I sing for joy at the work of you hands
Forever I'll love you
Forever I'll stand
Nothing compares with the promise
I have in you
blessed by Father; wHeE
during the worship in church y'day, i suddenly came up with an idea to hv my blog's backgrd music w a christian midi.. haha.. brilliant me.. haha..
yup.. i prayed to the Lord abt many many tings, abt my fears and my struggles to refuse to do certain things tt i ought to do, n indeed He led me to do it.. if it's not for His sake, i'd reali not do it.. cos it's so against my nature to do it.. N He said yes to help me for almost every prayer tt i made.. i'm so joyful.. i was like struggling with certain issues in my heart and i decided to entrust it in the Lord's hand.. aft the prayer i was stil struggling but i hv more peace in my heart.. praying reali helps me to learn to depend on Him.. n it is indeed a wonderful thing to be able to depend on someone who is powerful and mighty..
aft the tremendous problem, things hv bcome better.. i learn to grow n my walk's with God is closer.. yes, n He is so real tt i cant bring myself to deny His existence.. and the trial/chastening came and ended at the perfect time.. juz before my first A level paper(bio prac).. God reali works at perfect timings.. it's my turn again to share my testimony in church.. right aft tt trial ended.. i hv sth in mind abt wad to share.. i'm not v sure but i tink i'll commit it to the Lord for what i shld share..
Prayer requests:
My mum - i think she's feeling reali low aft she refused to go back to work bcos her supervisor(head of cleaner) was v unhelpful.. i heard from my mum that she kept ordering ppl ard to clear tables but she refused to help.. she drew the line that she's the head very clearly.. tt's v upsetting.. i tink my mum's worried... pls pray that she'll hv peace and find an anchor in her heart and life.. n that she'll be open to hear the truth and the good news of Christ's forgiveness..
Me - to do everything wholeheartedly and faithfully
- not be lazy in finishing my assignments practices
- trust and commit everything to God in every decision and everything i do
- disciplined esp for this week, hv to help out at Pei Hwa orientation on tues and fri, chem prac on thurs
God answers prayer
blessed by Father; wHeE
now playing Shout to the Lord midi
blessed by Father; wHeE
Friday, October 22, 2004
was sorting out my worksheets and i realised i hv an immense amt of assignments to finish.. and chemistry is the most la.. goodness.. one chem assignment takes me at least 1.5hrs to finish u noe.. if i hv 10 assignments, dun wana think abt it.. plus maths, one paper takes 3hrs to finish.. n i hv 3 schools' papers to complete.. n poor me, the oth day i saw mrs chan, my maths tutor, she was sort of encouraging me saying i muz get an A ah.. 'encouraging'.. v stress leh.. she was like reminding me tt i failed my maths paper 1.. brehz.. now muz squeeze maths in.. grr. plus econs.. driving me crazy.. the vj mcq is crazy.. while i was marking, i was like suspecting if the ans sheet given was wrong cos i had like 8 out of 30 marks when i marked tt.. n data response, n case study n essay.. all these need practising.. ah... n bio.. sobs.. been neglecting it.. n GP is in 2 weeks time.. in fact less than that.. ah... nuts..
so exciting yet tremendous.. tremendous yet exciting.. i'm turning nuts..
blessed by Father; wHeE
Now playing 孤单北半球 欧得洋
nice midi.. muz finish listening k.. it's nicely(i cant find the word to describe) done.. every details were captured v nicely.. listen to this while u surf oth peepz blog kie.. hee..
blessed by Father; wHeE
Thank God so much for the Bio paper yesterday.. it was a breeze honestly.. but i'm not sure if i'm loose in my ans.. but still thank God!!
Q1: Drawings of kidney
Q2: Some funny expt to find out photosynthesis on DCPIP (which will b reduced to colourless) plus some plannin expt on finding how temperature wld affect the rate of photosynthesis (n apparently i got the expt right yay!!)
Q3: Countin the length of 30 rice grains(v cute leh), do a cross diagram, chi-squared test (which is totally calculations and theory)
thank God thank God thank God thank God thank God thank God thank God thank God..
Hope everyth will b fine for my chemistry prac nxt thurs..
n Happie bday Yu.. i reali forgot aft we celebrated Ying's bday.. hee.. sorriee.. we will go out k! make sure ur bday is a crazy one! hugs and kisses for u! muackzz..
yup.. i got the 3 kitties for this week! short of one.. duno if they still got sell it.. anyone who sees it pls help me get number 3 kitty!! ppls.. thankss.. hmm.. mayb i'll hv EVM for dinner.. wahhahhhhaaa
blessed by Father; wHeE
Sunday, October 17, 2004
it feels good to be able to praise the Lord again..
ha.. i went to k box today with christine.. i wanted to go so much since the last experience was horrible.. n hee.. chris msg me.. so cool.. den i dun hv to go ard asking ppl to go..
went to k box at jurong.. and it is so much better than going to lot one's.. cos lot one is always full and they make u leave at 1pm.. but jurong's hv musical lunch which is so much cheaper and dey let u sing til 2pm..
after k box, we went for an expedition.. we attempted to walk from jurong to boon lay.. but it rained halfway.. so we were walking on the grass and we reach this drain which was too wide for us to pass by just jumping over.. so we couldn't help but keep laughing at how silly we were.. hahaha.. den chris decided to throw her bag over to the other side and said 'if ur bag is at the other side, it gives u more determination to cross over'.. b4 i could stop her, she threw her bag over which almost drop into the drain.. and she tried to cross, giggling.. after she cross, the rainwater has flowed into the drain, making it more difficult to cross.. but i overcame the obstacle somehow.. ahhaa. farnnniee.. n our expedition was cut short to chinese garden.. haha..
oh ya, b4 we began our expedition, i went to mac and i saw the new hello kitty.. i thot it was so ccuuuuttteee.. but hv to buy an EVM den can buy the kitty at 1.50.. i heard the lady beside my counter asking if she can buy it.. den i asked my cashier if the original price of the kitty if we do not buy it with the EVM.. den she says dere's not oth way to buy it, we muz purchase the EVM.. sobs.. but den, she asked if i wanted it and she said she'll sell to me even if i din buy the EVM.. TT WAS SO COOL MAN!! i'm so happiee.. i got a pink kitty.. i want the other pink one tooo!!! anyone who goes to mac, can plllleeeasssseee buy the number 2 kitty for me? plss.. n in case i forget, i oso wan the nxt few weeks kitty.. the orange, blue, black and white ones.. plssss help me get it if u r so kind.. i'll pay u .. plss.. heee.. the kitty is reali sooo cute.. to me lah.. i nv liked hello kitty stuff.. but i reali think it's sooooo cuuuttteee.. hee.... i dun tink i'll eat enuf mac meals to purchase dem all.. hehh..
blessed by Father; wHeE
thanks everybody for remembering me in your prayers..
n for popping in to check how i've been..
i'm sorry to those ppl whom i've said hurtful words to or those who r hurt or affected by words tt wasn't meant to hurt too..
if u can, pls tag a msg to let me noe u've been here.. thx..
blessed by Father; wHeE
God is good..
The whole problem ended (in a sense) without me realizing that it was going to end.
i was gg home aft church.. feeling quite lousy n upset n scared.. i guess i muz hv reali dragged my feet when i walk.. while i was walking, this guy approached me and asked if he could share the gospel with me.. i told him i am a christian as well and i dun mind hearing the gospel all over again..
so he shared the gospel.. during our conversation, he was reali very encouraging.. n we praised the Lord that our mtg is not by chance.. n the church sermon was talking sth abt God's timing.. n the timing was reali perfect.. the guy wasn't doing st e or sth.. he said he saw me walking n i dun look good.. n he hesitated in approaching me 3 times.. n it happened tt at tt time, i was tinking tt i need to tell someone my problems.. n God heard me.. n He sent one to me right away..
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. 1 Cor 10:13
the whole conversation was reali refreshing.. i shared with him my doubts even tho he's a guy.. and he shared all the bible views tt i reali needed.. reali.. i'm so thankful tt i wanted to cry while he was talking.. a few minutes before tt, my future seemed bleak.. n God answered everyth.. abt where i was gg after my A's, if i shld stil stay on in church.. the Lord provides.. He's shown me that He's reali in ctrl of everyth.. suddenly i'm v thankful for wad has happened since the past few weeks.. i'm not alone.. The Lord has always been ard.. the guy reminded me.. bcos a few weeks then, i felt tt whatever i do, i had no great faith.. n it was discouraging bcos problems kept adding on.. it seemed tremendous n neverending.. But the Lord walked me right out of it.. i truly experienced the Lord's grace and mercy.. n i rmb one of sermons talked abt christians facing problems so that we can experience God's grace.. it's a wonderful experience.. i can say with confidence tt i'm prepared to face the obstacles tt will face me.. Praise the Lord for His faithfulness..
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Heb 13:8
Yes, Jesus Christ died for our sins.. and He has died for our past sins, our present sins and our future sins.. in God's eyes we are no longer convicted of our sins..in other words, we are perfect in His eyes.. this seemed very encouraging when that guy, who was also called joseph (he's from myanmar, with campus crusade now), reminded me. He also said that God is patient.. even when we do not seem to be growing, He is patient.. He is reali a good God.. somebody whom i tried to talk to said i was cracking.. as in my real identity is revealing.. ie, she doubts i'm a real christian.. n tt added on to my problem.. n it was a great force in my heart.. it was hurtful.. but the guy, assured me that no one has the right to judge others.. n God has always been patient.. dis i experienced it.. n it reminded me of the Old testament, when i learned during area meeting, that God is slow to anger and is a patient God.. He's quick to forgive when you repent.. i reali duno wad to say but to reali thank God for what He has allowed to happen.. i thank God for my failures tt i truly experience Him.. He's so real.. He is such a wonderful God..
Before we parted, the guy gave me a verse to encourage me.. He prayed for me and invited me to his church.. considering bcos it's not easy to move out of my comfort zone to settle in another church.. but i can always visit and c..
But we ought always to thank God for you, brothers loved by the Lord, because from the beginning God chose you to be saved through the sanctifying work of the Spirit and through belief in the truth. He called you to this through our gospel, that you might share in the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ. So then, brothers, stand firm and hold to the teachings we passed on to you, whether by word of mouth or by letter.
May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word. 2 Thes 2: 13-17
unworthy sinner
blessed by Father; wHeE
Saturday, October 16, 2004
yay.. so happie.. i found the lyrics for main song of 涩女郎!!
i was listening to the song when i watch the first episode and i heard yuki hsu's voice.. i couldn't believe my eyes tt she was indeed one of the singers when i saw the credits at the end.. hehheh.. her singing is still as gooooood!!hehheh..
weird combi.. but perfect singing.. eh.. not reali perfect but very very nice!!!
大家来恋爱
歌手: 徐怀钰 刘若英 孔令奇
徐怀钰: 要一见钟情 要一箭穿心 一瞬间就决定 才是真的爱情
刘若英: 要想清楚 要一步一步 等缘份都停住 才有真的幸福
三合唱: 干嘛要想得很美想得很远 只要这秒有感觉
孔令奇: 吻一下 拥抱一下 都胜过誓言
徐怀钰: 一恋爱我会撒娇又耍赖
刘若英: 一恋爱我会体贴又关怀
刘若英+徐怀钰: 看著情人小事也变得浪漫 连冷笑话都会笑到流汗
徐怀钰: 一恋爱我的人会亮起来
刘若英: 一恋爱我会活得更精彩
刘若英+徐怀钰: 热恋的人总会特别可爱 微笑像有翅膀停不下来 大家来恋爱
刘若英+徐怀钰: 恋爱是两个人互相依赖 恋爱是默契好过双胞胎
有另一半总会勇敢起来 可以到达最幸福的未来 大家来恋爱
孔令奇(Rap):
Why you talking that mess huh? Why you tripping about love huh?
Why can't you just let it go. Just don't say no
Give it to me now momma
You must be dreaming if you think love is so 完美
So you best stop dreaming let me tell you love is a game
It's like round n round spinning here we go you be like
"Is this really true?"
I say I don't know can't tell you right now
But you can still be my boo
It's just like something about you makes me feel on so good
So just don't , don't fight the feeling
Wouldn't stop if you could
I look at love simply, give me some please
If you don't want it pass it on move quickly
These girls they need affection
My time love and affection
Day one all good no stress
Day two up in your neck
Day three where did this come from
Day four comes around baby girl I'm gone
PS: lyrics not biblical tho.. haha..
blessed by Father; wHeE
Friday, October 15, 2004
y'day cls was pathetic.. i was the onli one left in GP cls so it became a personal tutoring instead..
yupz.. i went home with hm.. we talked a lot.. we bought the $2 tingy for charity.. the lady said she's a volunteer so all the money will go to charity.. we talked abt the Da vinci code.. muz continue our conversation nxt time..
Pem celebrated suying's bday y'day.. and yes, i missed Singapore idol.. n i'm gg to miss the results today.. we had a great time.. dis time dere's five of us.. hurray.. we took many many many many many many many many many many photos.. ya, n we discussed how stupid the guy in the timeless gift show is.. then we started discussing v stupid tings.. like if you r the sun, i am the moon.. if you are the fish, i am the fish tank.. if you are a piece of shit, .. i am the gluteus maximus.. haha.. its abit yucky.. and five of us in yenting's house = noise
strange, have been having diarrhoea for the past few days.. and it comes at almost the same period of time..
blessed by Father; wHeE
Now playing.. Energy's 给你的歌 (The song for you)
blessed by Father; wHeE
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
pem bought sth for pem prime y'day.. hee.. sorry pem prime.. eh.. ok we shall b nice to u since it's ur bday.. sorry pemer ying.. we din ask u along n cant ask u along... hahaa... the gift is reali funny and nice.. i hope it's sth useful for u.. e process of consd wc one to get for u is reali funny.. haha.. n u muz open it in a suitable place k.. dun open it at home.. no kick.. hahha.. i hope u r v excited abt receiving the present.. if u're not, we'll b v sad.. =(
PS: geline and i discussed y'day tt u r reali v sensitive... so juz wana let u noe tt the music u hear, doesn't mean i'm sad.. hee.. cos u sounded sad in the post..
ya.. n smart us decided to give u the present earlier so tt u can go and exchange for a better one WITH THE RECEIPT if it doesn't suit u.. ahah..
getting bday gifts for pem is v funny.. cos we'll rmb the prev bdays tt pem spent together.. haha.. suddenly rmb ah yu.. i was hoping we could hv a celebration for u with yu along.. den we can re-enact those days when we were in mac.. y do ppl get more and more bz as they get older.. age and bzness hv a positive and direct relationship.. grr.. econs.. haha..
getting together with pem, especially when we are horribly energetic is reali fun.. but it makes me irresponsible in my work..oh well.. suddenly miss cruise days.. even teh scary part of crruise.. i cant believe i got scared with u all even tho i dun believe in those 'things'.. i hope yu can go with us.. hee.. i hope i can go too.. EVERYBODY'S BZ... everybody has their own gang of frens to go out with.. it's onli when our own gang of frens are bz, den we realise we havent' gone out as pem for a long time.. it is so for me..den u blame pem for not caring.. but it has always been like tt.. =) look on the bwight side.. i'm sure pem reali cares if we reali get together.. cos we are humans.. how can we not bother abt each oth..
blessed by Father; wHeE
i rmb sth funny abt my father y'day.. i offered to buy dinner for him.. den he said he wanted nasi lemak.. den if dere was no nasi lemak, he doesn't anyth.. i noe he's not trying to be spiteful or spoilt, he juz wans to hint tt he's hungry.. i noe he doesnt hv any money w him.. so when i came back, i offered to share my food with him.. (dere was reali no nasi lemak in jp all of us noe) den when said i'm full, he suddenly jumped up and ate the food v quickly.. i could c tt he was hungry.. but it's v funny.. he reali 'suddenly' jump up from the sofa.. n i was looking at my notes for i tink 2 minutes? den i realised he finished the food.. he's reali fast..
ok, gtg to sch for econs.. was wondering if i shld go cos i din finish my data response.. mayb i shld get the ans from yongcheng.. hee.. whoa, i realise God's reali nice to me.. i tink yc is the onli person whom i compete in cls with, but is still willing to help me get notes.. ha.. (cos i always help him get notes.. he always pon cls..)
blessed by Father; wHeE
i noticed alot of contradictions in ppl.. first, i c most of our churchmates in frenster.. and most are below the age of 18.. it din affect me til yest'day when i was talking to someone, she said sth like christians are hypocrites.. gdness.. it wasnt a v serious remark but i thot we shld take it seriously cos we dun wan to stumble anybody..
secondly.. i wanted to create a conversation w my mum juz now.. so i asked whether the coffee was for me.. den when she tried to talk to me like a few minutes later (trying to ask what wad question i asked her), i was bz playing with the com ignoring (in a sense) wad she's saying.. gdness..
blessed by Father; wHeE
Sunday, October 10, 2004
it's quite depressing to think everyone's hypocritical.. and i'm one of those hypocrites.. but the only right thing to do is to thank God for the hope tt we as God's children hv.. that is the hope of being perfected when we will be with Him..
sobs.. it's a draw 0-0 France and Ireland.. what's the problem with France.. i watched the match juz now.. barthez and no5 player from Ireland had a heated argument.. the replay showed barthez trying to elbow the ireland player during the corner kick.. disappointed with the french players.. but i'm glad in the end, they still shook hands and exchanged their jerseys.. glad Henry was nowhere to b seen during the heated argument.. glad tt Pires went to be a peacemaker.. cheers for arsenal!..
oh ya, the oth day i was watching channelnewasia.. den i saw phelps' name.. reminded me of the Olympics period where we got very excited discussing abt the Singapore players winning.. like Ronald Susilo won Lin Dan, Li Jia Wei getting into the top four.. the beautiful acts of gymnastics.. four yrs later i'll no longer b a teen.. sob sob..
ok.. back to study and revise for econs.. exciting econs.. production and costs are cool.. money and banking is confusing.. my favourite topic is the role of government.. yc msg me juz now and said the essay assignment mdm lim gave is difficult.. market structures how can be difficult?.. nvm go and c first.. so glad i hv a gd fren in cls.. haha.. we're gg to compare essay outlines tml.. hurray.. hahaha..
yay, n hongmei msg me to look for her one of these days in college.. hee.. i'm so happie..
blessed by Father; wHeE
Singapore Idol
it's such a disappointment.. i'm so disappointed with the results.. n v v shocked when olinda was in the grp which is not confirmed to be in the nxt round n Jerry in the grp confirmed to be in the nxt round.. somehow i feel for jerry.. he probably wans to be out aft being insulted or rather criticised by Ken every week..but i reali hope he's not gg to be the Singapore idol.. i don't c the X factor in him.. his voice is ok with flaws here and there.. and he cant dance.. rats.. william hung number 2? and what's the problem with the judges, they gave him the chance and now keep complaining abt him..
anyways, even at the very last moment, i'd rather chris be out even tho he's reali very shuai(4) and cute.. poor david.. his performance wasn't outstanding but i nv expect him to b out.. i thot the surprise wld be christopher.. poor David..
i hope Jerry will be out nxt week.. otherwise i'll reali start voting..
white chicks
i predict it'll b like the show (i tink it's hot chicks) we watched with the 2C ppl.. horrible show.. i'm definitely not watching tt..
i wana watch police story.. haiz.. sometimes quite sad to find tt no one's available for movies.. esp action movies..
blessed by Father; wHeE
stimes it's quite sad to noe tt the person whom u look up to fail to meet up the standard of what the person says.. as wad yeu pei says, i felt upset with the person because i felt disappointed with the person.. it's nv easy to do wad u say, practice wad u preach because men are forgetful.. but it doesn't give us an excuse to sin tho.. Thank God for Yeupei, she's reali a good listener.. i mean i enjoyed talking to her.. she listens and empathises and then corrects.. dis makes ppl even more willing to listen to corrections.. but then, haiz, it doesn't mean i can b unteachable.. still thank God for listeners.. Joyce is another type of listener.. i guess.. i reali appreciated her for her patience in me.. (haha..)
gdness.. where did the Bible talk abt teachability? y do all e personnel in yfc always talk abt teachability..
blessed by Father; wHeE
today as in saturday, i went to k box with christine.. it was quite bad.. as in my nose was nv stucked like nobody's business before.. and it became so sorrowful and tormenting to sing..
then we got something for sheila.. i began to tell christine the things tt i need so tt she can get it for me during my bday.. haha.. tt's being considerate to ppl ard u.. haha.. we discussed abt getting practical things for ppl... mayb toilet paper.. it's very practical.. haha.. funny.. i'm so glad i spent my day with her.. she nv fail to make my day.. den sheila and jaime came to join us with the intention of getting presents for qiuxuan.. haha.. they bought her a little dog, a photo frame, some biscuits and chris is gg to get her a baby bath to add to the list.. (suits her maturity as wad chris says.. haha) btw, she's 30 plus.. haha..
anyways.. before we went for our expedition to buying qx's presnt, jaime suddenly suggested abt taking photos.. haha.. sheila n i were sitting each oth.. and our immediate response is very different.. i posed in front of the camera while sheila used her file to hide her face.. haiyo.. wad's the problem with taking photos... haha.. ya.. n each of dem took one while i took many..haha.. making different faces.. like xi(1), nu(4), ai(1), le(4).. and act cute.. u name it.. ahhah.. i'm a photo pro.. haha.. they can give my photos to qx i dun mind.. hahaha..
haiz.. wad's gg to happen tml.. i hope someone is free so tt i can go out to study with tt person.. it's quite sad to study alone at home.. poor lil me.. oh ya.. n sheila looks nice with caps.. those girlish ones.. oh ya, n christine wanted to get a pair of sunglasses for sheila.. to make sheila cool(khoo).. haha.. she nv fails to rmb someone's jokes..
blessed by Father; wHeE
i hate the fact tt i'm a forgetful person.. but tt's not supposed to cause me to be discouraged but to be more hardworking like sheila to note down my thots and things tt are necessary..
i'm reali self-centered.. i guess dere's no oth time when i'm not.. probably even when i think i'm giving the glory to God, my heart is not.. n my heart could hv deceived me..
honestly i was v upset and angry with God for putting me in such an environment to show my sinful potential out so obviously.. i'm v v sure tt the mistakes tt i make r much much more den oth.. bcos i always receive the Lord's rebuke or chastening.. on the oth hand, i (a v minor part of me) felt glad tt the Lord has granted me such a position probably so tt i may empathise more with others the nxt time..
i hate sufferings.. it's so painful.. but God reali taught me to give all the glory to Him.. n He showed His faithfulness amidst my suffering and struggling.. i always question y muz i go thru this more than my peers.. n i can be called doubting geok lan i guess.. i cant help doubt whether His promises are for me.. or rather whether i'm part of the ppl whom He's given His promise to.. it's hard cause i don't reali count my blessings.. i keep forgetting my blessings.. stimes i'm scared at e thot tt God uses non-christians to fulfil His plans as well.. i guess He did gave me the assurance..
i din dare to sing the worship songs because dey speak of our promise to God which were so sure.. abt telling God tt we'd present ourselves totally to Him.. i feel unworthy n i noe i'd definitely hv holding backs in giving everything to Him.. n esp when my prayer abt humility was answered.. and He gave me a gd obstacle to learn..
but in the midst of feeling pain, i rmb someone say God feels pain for you.. He'll be watching and guiding you through.. tt's v encouraging..
my failure tells me tt i've received God's grace and tt God is glorified.. i'm v confused now tho..
blessed by Father; wHeE
yup.. since the day we stopped talking or hv a cold war or wadever ACZY (u noe who u r), i'm v convinced tt scoring an A1 for 'O' level chem onli mean u r gd in following e rigid.. O level chem teaching some wrong stuff..wadever.. i'm suddenly very very contented w the B3 i got for chem for my O levels..
anyways i dun rmb i hv encouraged u or helped u much, mayb spite u to study for chem to proving tt u can score well for chem w/o my help, i guess i din do anyth.. even if i did, glory shld go to God alone..
blessed by Father; wHeE
i wanted to brew coffee (is tt the word) juz now.. i tried to open the tin box with my bare hands to get the coffee bag(those mini coffee bags, like tea bags like tt).. i cut my middle finger with the cap while opening.. the whole part was red and i had a dangling (not v serious) flesh w bld flowing out.. i nv knew u can cut ur middle finger like tt.. i thot at most the finger will b red because too much blood gushed to that part.. den i realised it was because i tried to hard tt the bld vessels at the finger burst juz tt the skin din tear. Thus causing the whole finger tip to be v red.. Knowledge is power as what my bio tutor says.. i nv believed in it tho.. i'm juz saying for the sake of saying.. i tink wisdom is better.. haha..
oh, n on fri, we had econs extra lesson.. hongmei was doing her chinese.. den i teased her saying econs lesson do chinese work (she takes chinese A).. haiyo.. i tawt she shld hv explained to her tt she din bring her stuff or share with someone.. i wanted to ask her to walk out of the college with me even tho different paths.. but hv to ask mdm lim sth.. somehow, i missed the 4D days where zixin, hwee teng, hong mei and i would sit ard our tables and chit chat.. den we'll laugh at each other.. sob sob.. i sort of dislike being in jc when u dun hv ur gd frens ard.. strangely the fren tt i talk to in my cls in yongcheng.. we always discuss abt studies and hw.. i thank God for tt relationship with him.. den we hv a k box gang in jj.. when we want to go k box, the four of us, weiqi, yc, joy and i definitely will be asked.. n we will definitely and invite xxx.. hahah.. den i always tell yc tt his singing always off key (but he'll b on key when he can reach the note).. i forget y yc oso dun like to go oredy.. haha.. stimes, i feel tt we've gotta break the rules.. tt's so me.. den nowadays yc n i oways go library to photocopy pass year exam papers together.. yc of all ppl.. haha.. but his studies are reali gd.. we always compare results.. ya, i got an A for chem.. a low A.. haha.. lose to yc but i dun care.. haha.. tt's the spirit.. we've gotta work hard together and fight the A levels.. haha.. yayee..
blessed by Father; wHeE
wanted to post dis a few days ago.. haa.. the whole situation doesn't sound funny but when i think abt it, i'd luff..
the oth day, i went to boon lay shopping centre(which was a hawker centre, i duno y it's called a shopping centre anyway) to hv lunch w Meiling.. on e way we saw the S5 gang and Karen joined us la.. we were supposed to go dere and try the known to be nice nasi lemak stall.. aft buying our food, ML and Karen went to buy drinks.. dis e funny part.. i wanted sugar cane with lemon but ling doesn't wan it.. but the guy came with two cups of sugar cane w lemon and karen's drink la.. den when the guy was gone, ML was like saying the guy 'gey kiang' add lemon for her.. haha.. nvm.. den when we at the bus-stop, dis guy suddenly came up and ask (karen was gone den), "miss, can i hv ur no?" haha.. guess what? it was the sugar cane guy.. i din realise la.. it was until he was gone den i was told.. whoa, ML immediately call Karen and report the whole incident of the guy asking for number.. hearing how she illustrate how i respond to tt guy was v funny.. i din realise.. it was like
Sugar Cane Guy: Hi miss, can i befriend u and hv ur number?
Me: Who are u talking to?
SCG: U
Me: hahah.. no
SCG: Just frens onli
Me: uhhhhhh... no
hahah.. nvm.. aft tt, ML keep saying i was traumatized by tt guy.. which i sort of felt so.. n den she keep joking like whoa nxt time cannot go back to the hawker centre le.. dis is not the end, the nxt day, i learnt tt she told Andy.. goodness.. dey go and tell the whole cls and shouted so loudly during assembly so tt joy even noe.. i'm sure the next cls heard tt.. whoa man.. so pai seh.. whoa.. den ML even threaten tt she's gg to tell the whole sch cos during our free lesson i said she has a big face.. i tink i'll b traumatized by her.. stupid Andy even joked abt getting free sugar cane juice for 8 days.. one day give one number.. i nv had such a funny aftermath fr such experiences... nxt time muz pray tt it wun happen esp w ML and Andy the big mouth ard.. but it's quite funny when i tink abt it.. it's like the highlight of the week.. hahah.. i'll NOT go back to the place anymore..
blessed by Father; wHeE
Monday, October 04, 2004
on saturday, i could hv shared tt i feel so happie tt tho i failed my maths paper 1, i got 86.5 out of hundred for paper 2 tt renders me a B for maths.. tt i passed econs for a gd major paper.. tt i'll most probably pass bio..
yet.. even b4 i stepped into church, u guys hv to sent me msges to ask if i'm ok.. causing everyth to be in a mourning mode even b4 i stepped into church.. goodness.. n i got so angry i cant b bothered with anyth.. it's not as if tt getting angry is right.. but i can't be bothered.. i guess i chose to be mad at the wrong person.. the nxt day everyone in deir blogs hv to suggest sth like take care geok, she's not ok.. it's so frustrating juz because i wanted to steer clear from the ppl by not attending the big grp to avoid explaining wad happened and dere goes so many problems..
actually i typed a previous blog w an angry tone.. but i duno wad made me say dis properly and nicely.. so..
don't try to irritate me as i've said..
blessed by Father; wHeE
i'm filled with so many grievances tt i cant stand it..
first, wah suying, u saw me on friday night and saturday morning and i'm laughing so loudly with Pem.. does it suggest i'm ok.. knowing me in the past, if i'm not ok, i'll make sure the whole world knows isn't it? and din it occur to u, wadever joseph saw said to u, tt wadever happened was another round of problems tt i created or wadever? i duno if i misinterpreted from wad u said in the blog.. but u din even attend service and din even c, so it makes me more angry tt u r trying to interfere and further amplify tt dere's sth wrong with me in ur blog..
second, joseph saw, i must tell u i reali tried to be very nice to u.. first i purposely walked into the main hall as quietly as possible to make sure nobody knows i'm dere.. and dere u go telling everybody tt i'm dere or wadever tt when eunice saw me, she has to tell the whole bench tt i hv reached.. dere goes.. everybody has to turn back and see tt i hv reached.. i hate tt honestly.. n the best part was, u stood up at the middle of the sermon, walk out of the front door, came to the back door and came to me, asking 'r u ok?' in the middle of the sermon?! i noe u r trying to show ur concern.. but is it the correct time? and hv u considered if i wanted to explain things to u? n u din even ask if u could sit beside me and u stepped in and sat beside me.. n in the end, for the rest of the sermon i had to think of how to ans your 'r u ok?' question.. n was even more pressurized by the fact tt u were sitting next to me.. has it ever occured to you tt i wanted to time to b alone with God at tt pt of time? i could be even more mean by standing up and sitting on the bench behind me, but do u noe how much strength it took me to not do tt? den i duno wad u told jiayan after the sermon and probably convinced her tt dere's reali sth wrong with me? has it ever occured to u tt i needed time to settle back in church? hv u ever considered abt my feelings? or ur feelings tt u hv to show ur concern so tt u showed it at the 'correct' time, at the 'correct' sensitivity to me? i'm v sorrie to tell u tt u hvn't.. i'm more disturbed at thinkin how i'm gg to a/c to everybody aft i'm back to normal.. tt's y i felt horribly irritated.. but i msged u to tell u i appreciated ur concern.. but i wished ur concern wasn't in tt manner..
third, i duno if anybody has been readin my blog with the dates n time in mind.. it's progressive.. from feelin v bad to on the better side.. n i reali hv no more energy to bother to explain why i'm ok oredy.. why? why must i reali ans the question are you ok? and then say yes.. and then not backing up things by why.. and then dere u all will go, r u reali ok? has it ever occured tt i'm not prepared to explain things yet? goodness.. so considerate to me..
fourth, i dun understand why ppl who are not even in church yesterday or who din noe wad happened get to know wad happened or sth happened to me or wadever tt they hv to oso join in in the 'u r not ok' movement.. it's getting me very frustrated.. n dere goes misunderstandings when i hv to think and think and think how dey get to know and what dey know.. goodness.. so considerate in trying to stop me from getting angry and trying to help me..
i'm v confused and frustrated now.. stop trying to ask r u ok and trying to insist tt i'm not ok is the most considerate thing u can ever do for me.. pls.. pls.. n stop telling the whole world in ur blogs asking me to take care and telling me i'm not ok is reali the most helpful thing u can do.. pls..
PMS.. i'm serious.. esp dis month when stress level is horribly high.. dun try me.. i even shout at my parents for scolding vulgar language before me even tho i noe it is not the right tone or manner.. pls.. do sth better..
blessed by Father; wHeE
Sunday, October 03, 2004
i am so disgusted.. so so disgusted at how ppl pretend to be nice to me and caused so many problems for me..
I AM SO PERFECTLY ALRIGHT!
PLS.. STOP TELLING THE WHOLE WORLD TT THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME.. EVEN IF IT IS, I AM SO DISGUSTED BY THE WAY YOU TRY TO SHOW YOUR CONCERN.. YOU ARE NOT HELPING.. YOU ARE CAUSING EVEN MORE DISTRESS IN ME..
AND I HATE IT WHEN PPL PLAY WITH THEIR HANDPHONES DURING SERMON.. AND STOP THINKING YOU ARE BEING SENSITIVE TO ME.. U R SENSITIVE TOWARDS YOURSELF.. U DO THINGS WHICH YOU THINK U WANT TO DO MAKE U SO HAPPIE LIKE U'VE DONE A GREAT DEED.. I'M SO DISGUSTED..
I AM SO ALRIGHT TT NOW YOU'VE STIRRED UP A SECOND ROUND OF TROUBLE FOR ME TT I HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO THE WHOLE WORLD TT THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ME!
I'M SO ANGRY
blessed by Father; wHeE
YES I'M SO ANGRY TT U DIN READ DZ'S BLOG PROPERLY THAT HE STATED SO CLEARLY TT HE'S 'LATE' IN MAKING TT COMMENT..
I WANTED TO POST THIS LAST THURSDAY NIGHT.. I GUESS DERE'S NO NEED FOR YOU TO READ..
I'M SORRY I'M EXPRESSING HOW I FEEL.. N IF YOU THINK THIS IS SINFUL, U HAVE JUZ BECOME ONE OF THE STUMBLING BLOCKS!
blessed by Father; wHeE
