sunseeet
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
am blogging before i go out to this Jalan Besar place to collect some vouchers for my mummy. am meeting a student at 4 at woodlands. uh oh..
My exams have finished! Happie and sad. Happie because it's finished. Sad because no more things to look forward to. ha... yes, next sem. I wana take Jap. I wana take chinese again. Not looking forward to take GEM and SS modules tho i love singapore stuff like it's history. But hmms.. New sem, make new frens again. Not sure whether I'm prepared to be so open as I was in the first sem.
Something upsetting happened y'day. I was asked to account for sth which I was asked to do. Apparently it wasn't done properly. Was my fault because that wasn't my priority. YOu know when you have alot of things to do, you prioritise and do the best that you can. I'm upset because the person didn't hear me out and dismissed my reasons as excuses. Horrendously upset. Because she couldn't understand. Because she didn't bothered to listen, because she was sure of her judgment of me. I thought abt what she said. She said I lack the sense of responsibility for the job. If i wanted it to be done, it wld be out fast. Which was true to a certain extend which was why it was always at the last priority. Ok, i learnt. I cant control what she said, but I can control mine. Just do better next year. Now things are clearer. But I reali tried my best out of the time that I had to do. I reali think it's a priority problem. Ok, mayb sense of responsibility affects the priority. Yes, i'll do better. Please pray that I do not do it out of spitefulness but out of my service to God. Very affected with what she said 'excuses' (in a kind tone but hurtful.) She's sharp i trust. Everyone has their weaknesses. Yes. I'll work on mine.
i dreamt.. it's amazing. it's like a mixture of camp orion tml and the youth camp that just past. The part was Titus (cute lil boy) was playing with us when we played touch rugby during our free time in teh camp. I dreamt that I was leading the group in camp orion (which i was) and there's this lil boy (doesnt resemble titus at all) who came to join us. Suddenly - this boy is abandoned by his father. He's reali cute and innocent.(I'm biased i like boys ha) He has the very sad thing in him yet he tried to smile because he's abandoned by his father. He got tired at one point, and I was with him. So he sat down and was unwilling (but shy to say he's tired) to continue walking. Then I saw that he's so poor thing and offered to carry him. In my dream, i could imagine his weight being very heavy (i have weak hands la) and struggled to carry him. So I carried him and we turned around and saw a boy playing with his father. The sad look on his face made me empathise with him. He abandoned remember. And I started weeping in my dreams. And i woke up.. haa. I wana dream again. He's reali cute. I wish he's my kid. ha..
kkz gotta go bathe.
blessed by Father; wHeE
Sunday, November 27, 2005
I'm a DI person. A domineering person. Ha.. I was a bit bad. While my group (the A - amino acid group haa) was playing the tong zhou gong ji, i thought my response wasn't very good. I wanted to win so much that I was a bit upset with people who weren't spontaneous enough to do the acting for the charade during one of the challenges. Was struggling over the 'yearningness' to win and to be rational to do what is more important, that we play as a group and to keep the group's morale high. I shld have expected none of the ppl in the group was 'D' in nature, and I hoped someone wld stand up to take the lead. Was lazy and tired cos I slept at 3am revising a lil bit of my chinese after everything. So the second part of the game, I was a bit more prepared to lose and started 'behaving' better. ha.. Zixin, the primary 6 girl in my grp is very cute. At one point we couldn't decide which way we wanted to go, so she proposed a gd solution and suggested teh consequences and the things we could do if so and so were to happen. Ha.. Cute girl. She also asked the question, 'if God knew man would sin, why did He still create man?' I hoped i helped her with that. I hope i wasn't a false prophet.. Can anyone suggest why? I heard this many times, but guess still need to improve in my explanation. Ha.
What i told her was
God knows man have that potential(of course I explained what was potential to her) to sin. But He has a salvation plan to save man and with that salvation plan, He is glorified (I didn't mention this part-mayb i should have) if we look at His plan from the Bible. It's perfect and amazing. And I gave her the illustration of a carmaker knowing that the car he is going make has the potential to cause road accidents, does it mean he isn't goin to make it? But he knows that the car is able to fulfil a good function to bring people ard more conveniently, thus he still made it, knowing the bad potential the car has.
Can share any better explanation.
Sleep indeed affects my rationality like what Hsiao Ling warned. She told me because David slept at the wrong time and woke up at the wrong time and that's what caused him to sin. Ha.. Haven't checked that myself. but I xperienced that effect.
I truly love to sleep. That's a major change for someone who must sleep for at least 8hrs a day to a person who slps less than that and sometimes even 1hr. I'm very amazed at my ability to tolerate the lack of slp.. Ha..
How to have more time to sleep?!! i guess I know, i spend my time on things which may not be very important. Prioritize and have better time management. Yea.
blessed by Father; wHeE
Back from camp. Was a bit of a disaster. Thank God for His graciousness and people's graciousness.
First of all, because of I overestimated my abilities, I left the doing of the projection to the very last minute. Not because I procrastinate, but because I had too many things to do. I shld have asked for help earlier. Thank God for Alvin who offered to help. I caused him to sleep for very late. He deserves a good treat. He's so helpful! =) If not for him, I wld have dieded seriously.. Especially when last wk's my exam.
Secondly, because of my indecisiveness, I had to ask for excuse from area meeting at the very last minute and caused Yea Ling trouble over worrying.
Thirdly, because of my failure to sit down and think and to anticipate the problems, I caused Yea Ling problems in the grouping (failure to be clear in my role as an administrator) and the free worship part was quite messy in that the logistics was a bit last minute, some of the projection weren't available and some of the scores weren't available for some of teh songs. I should also have anticipated that halfway the people may get distracted over dedicating of songs. Thank God for the wisdom to get the song leaders to get the people to stand up and sing together and for the committee to do a presentation.
I am indeed thankful for people's graciousness. I tried my best, mayb can do a little better if I was more rational this week. I'm very sorry to those whom i snapped at when I was stress. That's my tendency to respond. I allowed my worries to overcome me and was judgmental that people didn't understand and wasn't considerate to my situation. I should have been more gracious to people who are more unclear and inexperienced. I also need courage responsible for the blunders that I made.
Dear Lord, please help geok lan be more gracious as You are to her.
blessed by Father; wHeE
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Tml's the camp and still many things not done and settled. Just get it over and done with Geok lan. Don't procrastinate. I know but I cant seem to muster enuf energy to do all these things..
Was thinking just now. I'm upset because of people. Happie because of people. Now what, the last thing someone did to me was make me disappointed in him just this afternoon. That was upsetting. His irresponsibleness has an effect on others. And it's driving me nuts.. I need to be more rational.. Gr.. Math paper tml and not touched it yet.
Y'day was probably teh climax of what I'm going thru.. Half an hour before my paper, someone called me and questioned me abt the admin work for the youth camp. Before that someone sent me an SMS which almost affected me.. Guess what, I took the paper, did what I could in 1hr, stared at the blanks and filled it in and got it over and done with and spent the last 15min thinking abt what I had done (abt the admin things and many other things which I havent do). And I started crying.. Goodness, it wouldn't stop. It went on and off till I met Suying. Even on the bus- I must have scare many people sitting behind me and beside me. It was beyond me seriously. (Not the crying, I could have controlled it. but the thoughts just kept coming and.. ) I'm not strong enough emotionally to take all of that but thank God for Joyce. She reminded me that I cant control people's response but I can control mine. Nice one. And it helped.
Thank God for Suying as well. For freeing herself to listen. =)
Be brave girl. Many people are praying for you. Fight the good fight.
"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. "
- 1Cor 10:13 KJV
" 1Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. "
- Hebrews 12:1-3 NASB
blessed by Father; wHeE
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
The song played reminds me of the lyrics. =)
Verse 1:
E F#m7
All that I am, all that I have
B A/E E
I lay them down before You, oh Lord
C#m A
All my regrets, all my acclaim
Am E/G# A Bsus B
The joy and the pain I'm making them Yours
Chorus:
E C#m
Lord, I offer my life to You
F#m E/G#
Everything I've been through
A Bsus B
Use it for Your glory
E C#m
Lord, I offer my days to You
F#m E/G# A B C#m
Lifting my praise to You as a pleasing sacrifice
A Bsus B E (G)
Lord, I offer You my life.
Verse 2:
Things in the past, things yet unseen
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
All of my hopes, all of my plans
My heart and my hand are lifted to You.
Bridge:
Cmaj7 D Bm7 Em
What can we give that You have not given
Cmaj7 D Bm7 Em
What do we have that is not already yours
Cmaj7 D Bm7 E
All we possess are these lives we're living
Am7 G/B D (A)
And that's what we give to you Lord
blessed by Father; wHeE
just saw the last few updates and lasted all teh way last year.. quite silleee. on the same page hongmei can see me wish her happie birthday twice.. ha.. happie buthday (BELATEd). bloodbank ppl sent me a birthdya card.. was rather amazed.. ha. .
am realli reali stressed and weary.. havent been reading the bible consistently.. read Isaiah 40 just now.. was very comforting.. reminds me of how mighty and big God is. am very encouraged by my student who's reali sweet.. She proposed a solution when I told her i cant 'pei' her go back after this sat's session. and i'm reali touched and encouraged.
went for a gospel sharin session. Reminded me of many things,eg our attitude in sharing and God's sovereignty despite we meet difficulties. This is not only applicable to sharing the gospel. It's also applicable to me.. now. ha.. i'm taking my break from things now.. bad things are happening on top of my workload. a trying time and a time of learning to depend.
sometimes crying does help destress.
blessed by Father; wHeE
Sunday, November 20, 2005
Having my exams now.. Yesterday's sermon was very helpful. It reminded me of how we or rather I am very concern about how people look at me.. I try to package myself so nicely so that people would like me. It's a reflection of my inferiority tha's what the speaker said which I agree.
We don't like people to know our ugly side. I still remembered when someone confronted me abt my 'irresponsibleness', i was so upset i couldn't believe i was such a person. The belief or thought that I was so good at many things caused me to be puffed up with pride that made reality seemed very harsh. I was very upset but now I'm very thankful how God used that incident to teach me that He is moulding me to be a better person. His love is unconditional. Joyce, my supervisor, taught me that if you're proud (not arrogant) of who you are, knowing your strengths and acknowledging your weaknesses, you can stil be attractive. I have this assurance that God stil loves me. That's the best thing isnt' it. To be lov3d by the person who made you.
Going to be really busy. This Sat's church camp!!! Stil in the midst of preparing for it. MOn, wed and fri's my exam. And the maths paper on fri is going to be very tough for me.. i'm reali scared. Then fri i have area meeting. But the church people are checking in on fri. How to balance? I promised my student i'd bring her to a session on sat but i need to be in the group to help out on saturday meaning I have to be back in changi by 12pm. The session's at potong pasir which starts at 10am. br.. on 28th, mon day after church camp i have a chinese paper. After that, on tues i'd be leaving for my camp 1 in ministry. coming back on fri, church on sat. Going for camp 2 on mon. back on thurs. Then have to prepare for a christmas eating event (i'm the i/c). During that week is the audition for impressario and probably talent quest which i haven't heard anyth. so helpful. The following week would probably be the practice for my emceeing (scareeeed) for the christmas event. After the christmas event, would go for retreat on teh 27th and 28th. Woo hoo.. What a busy and fruitful holiday!.. haha.
I must commit my time in God's hands, depending on Him to finish all these things. Please pray for strength and health. I tink I'd fall ill anytime. Had rashes last mon. Have to finish my medicine for 10 days and I forgot to eat the bedtime one which makes you drowsy. Thanks brothers and sisters.
blessed by Father; wHeE
