Something's wrong. That explains why I havn't been blogging for a long time.
Anyway.. I know there are certain ppl who'd be reading this and they may think I don't know. Oh well.. 'Ppl'.. Esp ppl whom I'm supposed to relate and talk to properly because of the relationship we have. Yet we don't do so.
A lot of problems. How?.. Quite lost..
A lot of issues with ppl from various walk in my life. Worse, a lot of issues with myself.
Why is everything happening at the same time?
I think it's me..
Don't know what to think. Too tired to think.
Afraid to deal with these issues with many different individuals. Sobs.
I feel.. overwhelmed.. Think it's wrong perspective..
blessed by Father; wHeE
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Feeling much better. =) but I noe the problem's still there. I can't run away otherwise I can't grow from it.
I'm thankful for sensitive sisters. He provides. "Ask and you will receive." I asked sisters to keep me in prayer and I received much concern and their willingness to listen and make time. Thankful.
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I've decided to be brave. I'm watching the France Switzerland match. Hehheh..
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Camp's coming. Stress.. There's a direct relationship between stress and temper. With much prayer, learning to not snap and be sarcastic. Think Zhi Wei gana a few times. Sorry brother.
I'm think I'm quite a perfectionist. Kinda like it. But not the temper part when things doesn't go my way.
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James 5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.
The only request that God will definitely say "Yes" to (if you believe and not doubt).
With much conviction.
blessed by Father; wHeE
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Chastening in process
Hebrews 12
7 Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8 If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. 9 Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! 10 Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
Just when I thought my trying period is over, this overwhelming uncertainty sets in. It's so intense that God seems to be veiled in my life.
Draw me close
Draw me close to you Never let me go I lay it all down again To hear you say that I'm your friend
You are my desire No one else will do Cause nothing else could take your place To feel the warmth of your embrace Help me find the way, bring me back to you
You're all I want You're all I've ever needed You're all I want Help me know you are near
Just when I heard this song, it's become my prayer as I spend my quiet time.
My weakness is so exposed in the process.
After much thinking, there is a certain certainty in the midst of this uncertainty. This little glimpse of certainty comes after much tearing and swollen eyes. Die..
You are my all in all You are my strength when I am weak You are the treasure that I seek You are my all in all
Seeking you as a precious jewel Lord to give up I'd be a fool You are my all in all
Jesus Lamb of God Worthy is Your name x2
God will make a way God will make a way When there seems to be no way He works in ways we cannot see He will make a way for me
He will be my guide Hold me closely to His side With love and strength for each new day He will make a way x2
By the roadway in the wilderness He'll lead me And rivers in the desert will I see Heaven and earth will fade But His word will still remain He will do something new today
I hold these two songs so dearly when I faced trials when I was a younger child of God. Though sung many zillion number of times, the lyrics still reminds me of many things I can't see.
Painful process yet a joyful one.
Beginning to appreciate joy as how Stephen Tong explained. Joyful not because I'm a psychotic, psycho-ing myself to feel happy. Joy because I have hope. Joyful because I'm in safe hands. Joyful because I'm going to grow from all these. Joyful despite pain. Process is really painful...
James 1 2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.
Praise Him who is control of all things. Praise Him for works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose (Rom 8:28).
No offense. But the thought of who's has been and is going to be found praying for this sister is saddening.
blessed by Father; wHeE
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
This is going to be a long post for a few reasons
1. Many things have happened and coming up. Esp the ONE in two days time. Wahahah
2. Ladies are always lor soh
3. Haven't been here for a long time
4. Last but the most (WAHAHAH), I feel very purposeful that I write/ type a lot. (hee Hee)
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Just came back from meeting BJ from causeway point. OoO, it's reali gd to meet her after she went to west. Heheh.. Because she
1. Shared some of her exciting experiences in her ministry especially when she was younger
2. She motivated me to not be so lethargic (I'm lethargic because I felt that I'm not 'drained' which is very horrible cause I feel purposeless and useless.)
3. She gave me creative ideas for my ministry!
4. She challenged me to have fun in the ministry I'm involved in.
5. She chhallenged me to think when I was getting lazy and directionless in my thinking.
Yea, so that leaves a motivated, happie, challenged, and excited Geok lan.=) (She's writing a long to-do list.)
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This sec 3 boy whom I met to help him know more about God sent me a funnie and weird msg. The msg contains the 3 words which you'd say to your lover. So when I saw it, I was utterly shocked. Shocked. Very shocked.
Then...
I asked if he sent the msg by error. Hahah..
He replied saying,' huh, what did I send? must be my cousins playing with my phone.'
Phew.. The cousin watch out.
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We had team meeting yesterday. We discussed about the wrath of God. I think R.C. Sproul gave a very good illustration.
Many times we'd rather believe that God has no reason for wrath and is a tame, grandfatherly sort. But (I like how Sproul puts it) "We can't have absolute truth in our search for religion until we encounter a God who is creative and patient, loving and self-sacrificing, and infinitely angry with, and offended by, every person who stands before Him as a sinner."
"The Bible tells us that God has already begun to judge humanity by letting them go their own way when they rejected Him. Paul says that God gave them over to their sinful desires and to their lusts." Meaning, many of us sometimes think that we have freedom by doing whatever we want.
"But when he tried to satiate his lusts, he found no joy or satisfaction. Those lusts were, in effect, a beginning of the judgment for rejecting His Father. The start of punishment for sin is more desire, ..., more dissatisfaction and lust to sin. And when lust runs its course and life becomes degraded, the pigpen [The writer uses an illustration frm the Bible of a prodigal son who one day asked his father for his inheritance so that he can squander it. But after spending everything, he finds himself in such a pathetic state that he has to feed himself with the pigs' food] in which we find ourselves is just the next step in experiencing God's anger.
We were not made for such a life. It is unnatural and uncomfortable. We were made for fellowship with the Father, and we just don't feel good dwelling in the mud."
Then it brings us to this question. If God is good and merciful, why should I worry about wrath (intense anger)?
Then the question now to ask is what is good? God's judgment is based on truth. If God really is good, he has not choice but wrath. "A just, holy judge who winks at evil and refuses to punish it is not a just, holy judge. ... A judge without judgment would not be a real judge. That wouldn' tbe truth. Truth demands CONSISTENT holiness from a holy God."
"If you deserve human anger and punishment, how much more do you deserve to be punished by an absolutely perfect, righteous, and holy God you have repeatedly, continuously, and callously disobeyed?
Why does he put up with it? You've insulted HIm, you've defied Him, you've demeaned Him. You've said, 'God, I will not let you rule over me. I know better than you do. ... Don't worry, God grades on a curve. I don't have to worry. I'm not as bad as some other people are. I'm not that bad. So why do I need to worry? Besides, God's mercy is infinite. He forgives everybody. God doesn't have any wrath.' "
And Sproul adds, "Trust in that. You may be right-but only if the God who really exists is not holy. If God is holy, you had better expect wrath."
Personally, I think God is very gracious to warn us of the finaly, eternal judgment of His wrath by problems and disasters we face each day. "When that day comes, and you leave this life to stand naked in the presence of God, you're finished. ... You are without hope. God will abandon you and you will spend eternity in hell." No one wants to be accountable, but like it or not, we are accountable. No one wants to feel guilty, but like it or not, it exists.
"There are two ways to deal with guilt. The first is to deny that it exists. We do everything we can to deny our guilt. If we can't, we minimize it. And if we can't, we deny the wrath of God. We deny the justice of God."
If anyone can understand their hopelessness and helplessness, they can understand how wonderful God's solution is.
"Once sin entered the world, if anybody was to be redeemed, the cross was not an option." ---------
God-a sovereign God
During team meeting, we had a debate (unwittingly) on how God exercises this sovereignty. So all of us were told to write a thesis on this. Quite exciting. I'm still thinking about it. Need views and opinions from ppl. Would appreciate any help. =)
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Yes, I achieved my objective of being purposeful! wahahah
