She looks pathetically at the time. Wondering why she allowed herself to have to do things so last min. ARgh..
It's been a long while since I wake up at 11am. For the past 2 or 3 days, I've been waking up unwittingly at this time despite having a few alarms.
Yea, so this morning (hmm, ytd mrng) was slightly better because I had a singing appointment with SY. So made sure I woke up earlier for the throat to 'warm up' and all.. If you think I'm a bit obsessed with singing and stuff, you shld hear how LeAnn Rimes protects her throat. She can go to the extent of not talking too much (if I didn't remember wrongly) She makes sure she drinks water, sleeps on time, eats healthy food. That's so disciplined. I will never do that. First I can't even make sure I slp early, nxt I'm not willing to forgo the good food.
Nvtheless, the waiter was very funny. 2 times he came in, cleared the stuff, pause for a while, AND DIMMED THE LIGHTS! The first time he came in was to bring the food. When he did that, I was wondering it was so dark, can't even see a thing, how to eat?! The 2nd time he did that, SY and I looked at each other and I burst out laughing the moment he close the door.
Our attempts to sing duets was hilarious. Esp Shan Hu Hai, we repeated that song 3 times just to perfect it with SY singing the guy's part (as usual). Wahaha..
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Oh I learn a lesson, never take 180 during peak hours. I never believed Alvin's 'testimony'. Nw I witnessed it myself. I was supposed to meet a boy at plaza at 6 to help him with maths, but I ended up reaching at 630 because of the jam.
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went for Bill Crowder's session ytd. On the way there, Jia Yan, Chris and I were at the back of the lorry (Robert's driving) having a mini meeting. It was hilarious as well. Jia Yan couldn't hear what I was saying cos I was speaking very softly, so I shouted in frustration, saying it's good to train my diaphragm. And I was stucked at '所以' (therefore), and I continued, in loud voice, '我们要去, 使万民作主的门徒.' (go and make disciples of all nation...) and we burst out laughing very loudly. And Huey Fen just turned back wrapping her head with her shawl. (becos I was doing so with my jacket so that my hair won't fly) and we laughed harder.
Bill Crowder's so good. Ultimately, we only have 3 questions to think about.
1. What shapes our convictions? 2. Where is our focus? (When Daniel met a crisis of dying, he worshipped God instead of trying to look for the answers for he knew the God who answers. His focus was on the person who answers, not the answer) 3. What does it take for us to obey? (For Nebuchadnezzar - becoming a mad man, eating the grass, Peter - 3 denials and 3 confessions of his love for Christ, Saul - road to Tarsus, Moses - burning bush, Bill Crowder - a fall from 40feets high, on the verge of death)
Oh yes he did, he teared. He never fail to do that whenever I attend his sessions. That's the wonderful thing, his sharing is so personal.
blessed by Father; wHeE
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
I corrected my student today. Was upset by her response. Was a bit defensive. And knowing her weakness, was struggling to challenge her and be tactful. I still remembered the very first time I was corrected. So I knew she felt the pain with the look on her face. So I played the role as the 'agitator' and the 'mediator'. Thank God it ended well. It definitely pained me to correct her. Just wondering if it is so when God chastens us.
This reminds me of another issue. Sobs. My darling is facing a trial. I could sense her hurt and pain when I talked to her 2 days ago. Her friends dump all the leftover for her to do when she is struggling to even do her portion. There's more. I shan't reveal too much. =(((
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Stayed over at SY's place with PEM minus Sam and we watched speed's concert. We really never get sick of their songs. wahaha..
blessed by Father; wHeE
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Watched Pirates of the Caribbean. Saw allusions to the bible.
1. The dark abyss 2. Appeasing; repayment of debt
The more interesting thing was someone's response when he saw the eyeballs and the heart thingy. wahaha.
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Chicken or egg
I was a bit shocked when I saw how Rev Jim Blumerstock look. I thought he's some old man who speaks very cheem things. But he looks very young and dashing. (He's married tho. ha..) And so far he's one of the speakers who's relates and speaks more relevantly to the crowd. Though he's from the states, he used a couple of local examples to help ppl visualize what he's trying to say.
He put a photo of the Singapore River in his ppt slides and used it to describe the effects of sin. He used the word 'polluted'. Then he asked who'd swim in it. The point is even if you have an attempt to clean the SR, you won't really swim in it. Likewise, even if you 'clean' your actions, you are not really 'pure' (my own word). You'd only swim in it unless the water in SR is totally changed. Similarly, we need a total and thorough change in us.
I especially enjoyed the way he dealt with this question. "My good deeds are more than bad deeds. Why can't I go to heaven?" He used the example of buying an omelette. Let's say 4 eggs are used each time to make an omelette. One day, you order one omelette. The omelette seller is short of 1 egg. Then she finds an egg on the floor, where all the cockroaches are and probably cobwebs around that egg. Oh, it's a rotten egg she bought 10years ago. She decides to crack it with the 3 eggs and make the omelette. Yuck. Would anyone eat it? So the issue is not about having more good deeds than bad deeds, but abt whether we did any bad deeds.
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Ytd was Daune, the cao lao's birthday. We couldn't believe he's only 22 when he looks older than he is. So we are calling him cao lao. haha..
His 1st birthday cake was a banana cake with 22 pockey sticks on it in the shape of a 22. Initially Robert wanted to poke 2 rows of pockey sticks which made the cake looked really like worshipping the dead or something. Ha.. Then we revealed the 2nd cake which we scramble to get it from liquid kitchen. It was a mango cheesecake in a tupperware with 2 candles (the white ones which you use for blackouts). wahaha. We couldn't find any candles so we just bought this. It's hilarious.
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My brother's really encouraging. He had this habit of leaving the computer on for the whole day. I told him it was a bit inconsiderate and he responded to what I said teachably. Thank God.
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Hrmph.. Many things to think through. Regarding what I've said, how I've said and whn I say certain things. I need wisdom to exercise sensitivity. Argh. I can't please everybody. Where's the standard?! As much as I'd like to say I seek to please the Lord, (in the sense that motive is clear), I need to please Him in my delivery by 'pleasing' ppl too. Hrmph, pleasing is not a good word. Mayb, Not misleading ppl. Being tactful. Being clear.
I need diligence to seek out the answers. From various ppl.. Diligence to explain to misled ppl.
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Pride
blessed by Father; wHeE
Click on this. Entitled touching triathlon. I was watching this earlier this year during a briefing. It speaks of a father's love to his son. Cannot really compare. But it gives me a glimpse of our Father's love for us which didn't end after Christ died on the cross. He continues to work in our hearts. Many painful moments in this journey. It just touches my heart cos it reminded me that it's purely by God's grace I'm made alive and am running this race.
blessed by Father; wHeE
Friday, July 21, 2006
Very frustrated. Because things are not going the way I want it.
I think I've found the reason for my bad coughs. Sore throat. Or mayb inflamed throat. Two ways to solve this. One way is to speak lesser which is not very possible . The other is to start speaking from diaphragm. It's not like I didn't learn it before. But I just can't. Frustrating. What's the point of learning something and then forget. ARgh.
Frustrated with this boy frm my sch. Was very disturbed by his nick. That's why it's the only time I replied him hoping to find out why he had it on his msn nick. It says 'Angels are rejoicing in heaven for I'm one year older.' Anyw, the whole thing sparked off to a series of chatting. I thot since he's a fellow bro in Christ (very young) and so rather teachable so I decided I'd be kind to him. Today, he smsd and somehow, he made a comment abt the way I deal with the work which I felt was very groundless. He did not even find out what it's about?!
Frustrated with my friend who refused to pinch me (a few days ago). I requested that she pinch me because I felt that's the best way to make me not fall aslp aft lunch. (We were on the train, and I didn't want indigestion) And she just refused to do that. I cannot understand why. And she just didn't explain properly why. Goodness.
Frustrated with people who probably see there's certain problem in me, yet they keep quiet about it. Argh! If you are concern that you offend me, then the loving thing is to say and learn to be tactful.
Frustrated that I still can't find someone to account to and to scold me when I don't do things rightly. People who are able do not have time. People who have time are not willing. Ok, tt's my assumption. Argh...
Frustrated with the way I responded to my mum just now. I dislike ppl disturbing me when I'm doing my QT. And she just did. But I told myself I should attend to her needs which apparently is urgent. She wanted me to sms the ans to get the NDP tickets. So I went 'willingly' yet helped unwillingly. ARgh.
I have a problem with the whole world. Please tell me what's wrong with teh whole world? or tell me what's wrong with me?!
Great. I think I'm getting a bit impatient. Brrrr.... She's trying to hurry her growth. She's trying to cut short the process of chastening. Argh..
Thank God I'm being chastened. Not trying to be spiteful, but trying to remind myself the reason why I'm struggling is because I'm a child of God. Otherwise, I'd be as good as dead. The dead do not even struggle.
Things are getting clearer.
1. Maybe that guy didn't think that he should find out or clarify. That's for him to learn. For me to be loving and tell him. Probably for me to be humble to consider what he's said. Brr..
2. Choose a better time for QT. (wasn't supposed to be doing at that time. Because of my ill-disciplineness)
3. Good training to be patient. I need it so much. So lacking in it.
Wisdom is given when you ask for it (in the context of trials). Trusting in the Lord to work in me.
REJOICE IN THE LORD
God never moves without purpose or plan When trying His servant and molding a man. Give thanks to the Lord though your testing seems long; In darkness He giveth a song.
I could not see through the shadows ahead, So I looked at the cross of my Savior instead. I bowed to the will of the Master that day; Then peace came and tears fled away.
Now I can see testing comes from above; God strengthens His children and purges in love. My Father knows best, and I trust in His care; Through purging, more fruit I will bear.
O rejoice in the Lord, He makes no mistake. He knoweth the end of each path that I take. For when I am tried and purified,I shall come forth as gold.
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On a lighter note, I saw Hwee Teng just now. We were classmate for four years. She was telling me abt her meeting up with her pri sch frens. When she then saw Geline and another boy fr SV who was my tuition classmate. And they talked (and gossiped). They were gossiping abt this guy whom I knew because of Jasmine (and her very 1st ...) He was the friend of her 1st ... And it sparked off to recounting of a series of happenings in sec sch. Her memory is goood.
We talked abt 1. The NDP when our whole class dreaded so much at the beginning. Having to go National Stadium every sunday. And the dance was so kukufying. But we came to enjoy it.
2. Su Ying. haha. She was so different from now when she was in Sec 1. Or rather when she was in secondary school. wahahah. They always get caught in class by adding on to each other's joke and laughing too much. wahahah.
3. The folk dance periods. Our class never won the competition even though the teacher always say we are good. We are suspecting that he said that to every class. haha.. Rumours started because of this. And it caused me to 'bully' a boy in the class because I was very irritated by that rumour. Brr... And I was always sabotaged to demonstrate teh dance with teacher (somehow the female one always never come)
4. Ten sisters. Wahaha. This is a big joke. We were never close as a group. Many mini cliques within. Was browsing thru the photos in the phone, Danielle looks so different.
5. Rumours. HT and Chang S in Sec 1. Never knew how it came about. HT and ZC in sec 4 when they were sitting together. Miss Sim always catch them talking and the whole class would go 'wooohhh'. Haha.. (I seriously didn't remember that until she said it)
6. A 'disgusting' boy in the class. We were observing his trend in chasing girls. Goes ard asking ppl for photos of the girl he's interested in. Just got to know this: there was once I lost my wallet and so the money inside. He asked HT to try to fork out the money to give it to me since she's my gd fren in the class. That's so dumb and ... mean. Poor HT. haha. I'd feel bullied if I were her.
Before we left, we took a series of photo at CCK MRT station behind the lift. Ha.. Bcos we forgot to do that until we were on the train and I was alighting at CCK. She's quite sporting. We took all sorts of kukufying photos. Hrmph..
blessed by Father; wHeE
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
It's nice to talk to different groups of ppl.
Was making calls to ppl. The first person whom I called was friendly to talk to and patient to listen. We even fixed a time to meet (for ebs). After we hang up, the mother called me minutes later and confronted me. My fault. Wasnt careful to get her to ask her parent esp when she's in pri sch. Tho it's not the first time I'm dealing with this kind of issues, the mother's hostile words affected me. Affected me in my willingness to call the rest of the list. I still did. With mixed motives. For the sake of being accountable to ppl (for fear of being scolded) and for the sake of being faithful to the work (to God).
What happened ytd affected me in my calling today as well. Struggled to not sound uncomfortable or not confident. But I'm thankful as I recount the day.
1. Talking to nice contacts who are friendly.
2. Talking to churchmates who are willing to do certain things (even though it may be for the wrong motive) hrmph.. second thots
3. Meeting with a girl. Dealing with the issue on evidence of being saved. One of the evidence is loving others. We were talking abt loving the people in our family. She struggled with loving the people in the family especially when she's hurt. So I felt like a Hsiao Ling.. ha.. Like how she 'counselled' me in those days.. As I shared with her my experiences, I recounted God's work in my life. =)
4. My mum asking me what I want to drink. When I intend to stay up last time, I'd ask her to make drinks like coffee or milo for me. So she just asked, and she smiled. That smile which shows that she's very glad to provide for me. That's really sweet. =)))
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Saw my email. Got 2 preallocated chemistry lecture for chem majors. You either get it in sem 1 or sem 2.. And I gana the sem 1 batch. And the slot is horrible. 1 moodule takes up mon and thurs aftnn. The slot when I'd feel very sleepy and I need tt to meet my stdts.. The oth one has lectures on fri evenings from 6-8.. Hmms.. Depriving me to take 2 chem modules with good lecturers that the chem seniors recommended. brrr... Have to likely make a choice between the two. (Because there's 6 chem modules to clear in year 2 so best case scenario is split into 2 sem)
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Anyone interested to study the book of 1 Corinthians?.. Hrmphs..
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Some interesting things in the Bible. Saw this when I was doing research for the background on corinthians.
Acts 18 1After this, Paul left Athens and went to Corinth. 5When Silas and Timothy came from Macedonia, Paul devoted himself exclusively to preaching, testifying to the Jews that Jesus was the Christ.[a] 6But when the Jews opposed Paul and became abusive, he shook out his clothes in protest and said to them, "Your blood be on your own heads! I am clear of my responsibility. From now on I will go to the Gentiles."
7Then Paul left the synagogue and went next door to the house of Titius Justus, a worshiper of God. 8Crispus, the synagogue ruler, and his entire household believed in the Lord; and many of the Corinthians who heard him believed and were baptized.
9One night the Lord spoke to Paul in a vision: "Do not be afraid; keep on speaking, do not be silent. 10For I am with you, and no one is going to attack and harm you, because I have many people in this city." 11So Paul stayed for a year and a half, teaching them the word of God.
12While Gallio was proconsul of Achaia, the Jews made a united attack on Paul and brought him into court. 13"This man," they charged, "is persuading the people to worship God in ways contrary to the law."
14Just as Paul was about to speak, Gallio said to the Jews, "If you Jews were making a complaint about some misdemeanor or serious crime, it would be reasonable for me to listen to you. 15But since it involves questions about words and names and your own law?settle the matter yourselves. I will not be a judge of such things." 16So he had them ejected from the court. 17Then they all turned on Sosthenes the synagogue ruler and beat him in front of the court. But Gallio showed no concern whatever.
The interesting part is in verse 17. Even though the reason wasn't mentioned why they beat Sosthenes, but it's funny why they didn't beat Paul up. Likely because of verse 9.
blessed by Father; wHeE
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
It was PArts turn to lead song (I think). Very cool. The guy was leading with a song - the only hillsong that I like. Magnificent! A wonderful song to sing in the morning. I've never seen him around before i.e. he's likely new in the ministry. But he led the staff and personnels with much confidence. Though the style's a bit 'charismatic', I enjoyed it. The words that he said between the songs, his sense of rhythm, he strums the guitar while he prays, his wonderful voice (quite high for a guy though). And nice slides. Just plain black words with white background. Even though he repeated the songs many times, just never get tired of singing it. Just 3 songs (As the deer, Heart of worship) for half an hour. (Can imagine how many times he repeated the songs?)
Magnificent
Who compares to You? Who set the stars in their place? You who calmed the raging seas That came crashing over me
Who compares to You? You who bring the morning light The hope of all the earth Is rest assured in Your great love
You are magnificent Eternally wonderful, glorious Jesus, no one ever will compare To You, Jesus
When the evening fades You call forth songs of joy As the morning wakes We Your children give You praise.
You are magnificent Eternally wonderful, glorious Jesus, no one ever will compare To You, Jesus Jesus, no one ever will compare To You, Jesus No one ever will compare To You, Jesus
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Wonderful teaching on discipleship
Luke 14
25Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: 26"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters?yes, even his own life?he cannot be my disciple. 27And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple. 28"Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it? 29For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him, 30saying, 'This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.'
31"Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Will he not first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand? 32If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace. 33In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.
34"Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? 35It is fit neither for the soil nor for the manure pile; it is thrown out. "He who has ears to hear, let him hear."
Context:
1. Jesus was set on going to Jerusalem (to die).
2. Large crowds were following Him. Likely don't know where His destination is. Following Him for various reasons like free food, free medical service, attracted to His power, or just to follow the phenomenon.
1. What it means to follow Jesus Disciple = follow Christ = "Comes to Me" = "Comes after Me" = entering kingdom of God
(Luke 18:22-24 Parable of the rich young ruler.
"..Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." When he heard this, he became very sad, because he was a man of great wealth. Jesus looked at him and said, "How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!
Note that Jesus suggested following Him = entering the kingdom of God)
Comes to = entering into a relationship Comes after = remaining in the relationship
So discipleship = salvation, we should take discipleship seriously.
2. What the cost is to follow Jesus
Hate our loved ones = love less
Our devotion to Christ must surpass all other relationships ("hate" )
Words of a disciple: allegiance, loyalty, faithfulness
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Wonderful ending song and playing by Lian Sie (impromptu one somemore)
Living for Jesus
Living for Jesus, a life that is true, Striving to please Him in all that I do; Yielding allegiance, glad hearted and free, This is the pathway of blessing for me.
O Jesus, Lord and Savior, I give myself to Thee, For Thou, in Thy atonement, didst give Thyself for me. I own no other Master, my heart shall be Thy throne. My life I give, henceforth to live, O Christ, for Thee alone.
Living for Jesus Who died in my place, Bearing on Calvary my sin and disgrace; Such love constrains me to answer His call, Follow His leading and give Him my all.
O Jesus, Lord and Savior, I give myself to Thee, For Thou, in Thy atonement, didst give Thyself for me. I own no other Master, my heart shall be Thy throne. My life I give, henceforth to live, O Christ, for Thee alone.
Living for Jesus, wherever I am, Doing each duty in His holy Name; Willing to suffer affliction and loss, Deeming each trial a part of my cross.
O Jesus, Lord and Savior, I give myself to Thee, For Thou, in Thy atonement, didst give Thyself for me. I own no other Master, my heart shall be Thy throne. My life I give, henceforth to live, O Christ, for Thee alone.
Living for Jesus through earth’s little while, My dearest treasure, the light of His smile; Seeking the lost ones He died to redeem, Bringing the weary to find rest in Him.
O Jesus, Lord and Savior, I give myself to Thee, For Thou, in Thy atonement, didst give Thyself for me. I own no other Master, my heart shall be Thy throne. My life I give, henceforth to live, O Christ, for Thee alone
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Taught a JJ junior chemistry ytd. As happie and excited as a toad. Makes me reminisce the JC days. Melting... I never liked chemistry so much. Even the love for chem now cannot be compared to that in those days. (because of the rubbishy chem modules and lab reports)
But Sat's sermon caused me to think abt the path I'm taking. (Not that I tremendously enjoyed the sermon. Chris and I wasn't comfortable with the way he dealt with the topic on man's free will and God's sovereignty) Many times I keep looking back, wondering what would happen if I'd taken Econs in NTU. Don't like the competition in NUS. But since the Lord has led me there (***by my free will within His sovereignty, i.e. since I've made the decision under certain circumstances), I thought I'd be faithful and press on despite the toughness.
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Talking abt Chris, we went to Pastor on the issue of Limited Atonement. Encouraged by his firmness in his stand. He's very clear of what he's hearing. Not that I'm not clear. I'm turning to take a neutral stand. Sounds nice but don't like it. No difference from being caught in between. When DZ asked what's the purpose of engaging in theology debate out of spitefulness (haa, i think), it caused me to think abt it. Will affect my perspective in certain things I'm doing. Will also affect how I phrase things when I relate to students.
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Did anyone ever have apples for birthday cake? Someone did. wahahha.. How honored can that person get?!
blessed by Father; wHeE
Saturday, July 15, 2006
when I get very tired, i'd start to cough very hard. This morning I coughed my coffee out. I.e. I vomit-ted my coffee. So I got a the morning off to rest. But it wasn't helpful. The old bus interchange was in the process of being demolished. The MRT track as well. So.. Haiz..
Went online. Chris happened to go online after I went. So I asked him for help. I have a student who's not satisfied with the verses shown to her (in a material) that suggests that Jesus is God. Ya, a few years ago my friend asked me to show her where the bible tell us that Jesus is God. But I 'siam' the issue and let my personnel took it. ha.. I searched the Bible. There is indeed nowhere you can find the phrase 'Jesus is God'.
I was quite frustrated then cos it was so obvious to me that Jesus had to be God. But I'm glad and thankful that God placed this problem. So Chris and I scrambled to look for verses. Thank God for his help. Very helpful.
This was what I consolidated.
John 1:1-30 1In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 14The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. 15John testifies concerning him. He cries out, saying, "This was he of whom I said, 'He who comes after me has surpassed me because he was before me.' " 29The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, "Look, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world! 30This is the one I meant when I said, 'A man who comes after me has surpassed me because he was before me.'
John 10:22-33 24 The Jews gathered around him, saying, "How long will you keep us in suspense? If you are the Christ, tell us plainly." 25Jesus answered, "I did tell you, but you do not believe. The miracles I do in my Father's name speak for me, 30I and the Father are one." 31Again the Jews picked up stones to stone him, 32but Jesus said to them, "I have shown you many great miracles from the Father. For which of these do you stone me?" 33"We are not stoning you for any of these," replied the Jews, "but for blasphemy, because you, a mere man, claim to be God."
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I met 2 girls today who remind me of my secondary school days when we sit at Macs and laugh all day. Ha.. I was talking abt something serious with her (I was prob too serious). Then she suddenly made me guess an very lame question. I refused to answer her unless she gave me her reply. In the end I gave in and I tried to give a stupid ans just so that we could get back. But the answer was really very funny. We ended up laughing so hard. Ha.. Can you imagine a mature 20 year old girl and a sec 2 crazy student laughing in macs? wahaha..
------------ Sweet ppl
I was supposed to meet a girl with Si Si. Teh girl didn't appear because both of us assumed the other one would take teh responsibility to remind the girl. Ha.. Oh well. My fault.
Then she bought me a vitamin C sweet to give my stomach acid (what a science freak wahaha). FYI - vitamin C = ascorbic ACID. So sweet of her. ha.. Thank God for nice ppl.
After that I went to office to get my PSS out before heading to church. I forgot I need to eat dinner. Ha.. goodness. Was doing stuff at Lian jie's office and pastor asked if I'd eaten. I sheepishly smiled and said no. Then he went to his office (I think) and got me a nutrition bar! That's very nice of him. Hee..
Oh ya, had a good chat with Pastor over lunch. Haven't been to gombak for food for very long since I shifted. Hrmph. Merely chatting. But I saw his concerns for the church. He raised up the issue abt shortage of manpower at the youths side. As I was thinking abt it, I think one of his hidden agenda might be to ask me to consider serving full time in church in the future. wwahaha.. But he was very understanding and open to listen to my stand in terms of serving in church. Not because it's easier to serve in YFC (somehow he had tt thinking. I know why now) but the reverse. Saw that there was a need to be faithful.
Glad we communicated. I didn't know that there were certain misunderstandings for him (towards ...) and for me (towards serving in church) til we talked. Anyway I was told to be more focused because he sees my name everywhere. ha.. not willing. because of pride and fearful that people cannot do a good job. ------------
blessed by Father; wHeE
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Had consolidation on Monday's teaching with boss around. His thinking is so sharp I'm so motivated.
1. Whenever a committee plans an event, the objective of the committee is usualy not communicated properly to the people outside the event. (Boss suggested that it's likely because the committee's not focused).
For a recent event, the objective of the event was for the people attending a certain session to bring a friend. But during the meeting on monday, it came across as pushing the personnels to bring people from anywhere.
So Boss asked a very smart question. "You want every participant of _T_ _ to bring a friend or you want 800 people to fill up the place?" And he analysed how we could gather our data more diligently and objectively before making a decision.
The point is he has given us an example of how to work around the problem and not run away from the problem.
2. Always work with people stronger than you. They may be more fussy than you (and at times you may find them irritating), but it's for a good cause (and you complement each other).
Boss suggested that if he led the organisation with his own strength, the organisation cannot go beyond the leader's limits. Whereas if he use people who are stronger than he, he taps on their resources and pushes the organisation to a higher level.
Brilliant. Praise the Lord. ---------------
Been thinking a great deal these days. Talked to SY (finally), talked to Sheila. Thank God for different perpspectives. I need solutions. Or rather, I need advice on my solutions. Need older people and stronger people. Hrmphs. Trying to look out for such people. Really need help and sharpening.
Trying to trust in His perfect timing and providence.
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Met up for dinner(steamboat) at Vivien's place. It was her birthday! And Chris is back! She's back with golden hair! Hee..
Haven't seen Samuel for a long time. He told a joke.
Had no appetite (for many various reasons) So I joked that I was saving my stomach for the ice-cream.
And he said, in a serious yet unserious manner (wahaha) 'no, I thought girls do not have to save their stomach for ice-cream. When the ice-cream comes, your stomach just pops an extra space (hands beside the waist, trying to make an imaginary extra stomach) for it!'.
Oops, i really thought it was funny.
--------------- Humbled. After hearing from people's feedbacks about how I have been doing my ministry (In terms of teaching and calling) and observing other people.
Thank God for a patient and humble co-worker. The other time when we were discussing (almost arguing and debating) on what to do for our portion, we had our own thinkings and mindsets. Our personality is quite similar yet because of the different kinds of students we meet, we come up with a different approaches. I learn a lot of things from him.
1. This ministry requires love. Many times, love can be shown in the amount of time we are willing to 'invest' in a student. He does spend a fair bit of time for each of his students. But I like to take a fast and impatient approach. Would like to balance that with love and willingness to spend time. I find that many times I may not be willing to be hurt and thus this approach. (Rmb from family camp's teaching: love is having an attitude of willingness to b hurt.)
2. During our 'discussion', he was the one who initiated a compromise while I was still trying to argue my way through.
3. Humble to apologise. When we left, he sent an sms apologising for his tone.
4. Many times we do not meet, yet he reminds that we are to be found praying for each other's student. He offered to pray for my student and me too.
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Pastor msged me just now for a lunch appointment tml. Forgot to ask him the agenda. Quite exciting. Many possibilities.
1. Answer my question/ challenge on his understanding of limited atonement? Specifically with regards to Christ's death on the cross. The power of His death on the cross is certain.
The amount is uncertain. Trying to be clear yet as vague as possible cos this is very controversial to many people.
2. Arrowing me for a new task? (usually not his job)
3. Asking me to consider serving full time in church? ha..
4. Asking me to give feedbacks on sermons?
Lots more on my mind. Well..
Can't wait to meet the most patient man on earth. No matter how hard you try to antagonize him, you never seem to find the tail.
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After a few days of thinking, I may have magnified the problem because of the hurt. How could I have made an assessment purely with statements from SMSes? I could well have misunderstood certain things. Hrmphs. I can't wait.
May I be objective, open and humble.
2 more days.
Can anyone sense I want certainty and I want things to be settled quickly?
It's trying. Patience.
blessed by Father; wHeE
Monday, July 10, 2006
Watched the finals at someplace. was really disturbed by this fan of Italy. I feel ashamed for Italy for having such a fan who couldnt stop using vulgarities to comment the players' skills, to curse the players. She cheered so loudly when the opponent was injured or got a red card. So disgusted. What an insult to soccer. She was talking so loudly on the phone and that was so inconsiderate.
Yuck.
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Reading this book on living our life by grace. Gave up reading a few times but decided I need it now.
Many of us know that we are saved by grace and shall live by grace. But the fact is we do not live by grace. Many times we think we need to earn God's blessings. When we come to a point of being helpless and are to pray, we'd start thinking if we did our QT, if we responded rightly to this person you met just now. We have this mindset that our failures will cause God to withdraw His blessings. Good reminder about my legalisticness.
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I don't really like to vent my frustrations here.
Thank God for trials. One after another.
The truth hurts.
Dont like the idea of gossips or 'untruths'. In a defenceless position, felt really hurt. Guessed what was happening. And was right. The thought that it was a joke (people were laughing) at the expense of someone was hurting. Worse, it was done blatantly yet there was no intention of revealing nor confessing. Felt like a fool.
Trial - I didn't do anything to earn this. Or did I?
